Your Mess is Mine

     

    I work in education and spend my summers working at a 5 week summer program for the school I work at then I have Fridays and almost all of August off until I have to go back for in-service at the end of August. It's super refreshing to have the time off as it frees up time to go away on vacation without using PTO, time to slow down to catch up on errands that can get put off in the busyness of life, or properly clean my car (iykyk) and time to catch up with friends that live a little further away. I'm very thankful for it! It also as of lately has left a lot of time for reflection and intentional quiet times with the Lord. 

    Recently, I was reflecting over the past couple years and was thinking about all the things I wish I had done differently. Maybe you can relate to that? You wish you shared less, you wish you didn't do that thing or you wished you didn't waste that time or wish you didn't say those words. There were many times admittedly within the past couple years that I would look at things or how I acted and just be like "wow, I was such a mess, that's embarrassing".  And then there's a whisper in the stillness of my living room as I sit on my couch, gazing out the window, journal and pen in my lap and my ceramic permanently coffee stained Luke's diner mug filled with coffee in my hand. "Yes but your mess is Mine." 

    I was reading over Romans 5 a lot over the past couple weeks and I keep coming back to the line in verse 8 "while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." And it stops me in my tracks as I think about how when I was in my messiest state, Jesus chose to die for me because God loved me that much. It makes sense for me that Jesus would die for me when I'm doing better. When I'm consistently reading my Bible, being more selfless, being intentional with others, exercising more, embracing creative hobbies, actively involved in a church community. 

    Yet Jesus died for me when I was not a "better" me. Jesus died for me when I was selfish, mentally depleted, didn't take care of myself physically as consistently, wasted my life away binge-watching shows as a way to avoid difficult feelings, emotionally and mentally all over the place and isolating from being a part of a church community. And honestly, a laundry list of other things that I don't need to share on here but I was not living in a way where any holy being should have any reason to die for me. 

    The point is, Jesus saw me in my messiness and didn't say "that's too much". He said "I'll take it" He didn't say "she has to fix all those habits and then I'll take that mess from her".  He said, "I'll take her as she is now in her mess and I'll take it from her." And just wow. Think about it. Can you imagine someone seeing you in all your messiness and all your dysfunction and all your bad habits, and just being like "yup, I'll take that one"? No, no human being is capable of doing this. Yes in our friendships and families, we may be accepted and people will be able to walk alongside us through the hard seasons but even still that relationship will be tainted. They will get frustrated with us, we will get frustrated with them and no one will be able to actually take the mess away. But, Jesus, Jesus says "hey you're a mess, you've got a mess but it's mine and you're mine, I'll take it." And He takes it, all of it. He is the only one that can. 

    I find there is so much freedom in that because we don't have to feel like we have to hide the mess, the baggage or the dysfunction, we can shine the light on it and be like "yes, yes it's all there, I don't want it to be there, you can take it Jesus." And He takes it. He takes all of it. 

    So today, if you are becoming more aware of the messiness in your life or your own heart, don't despair. Give it over to Jesus. If you like me have been reflecting on things you wish you could take back and start to feel shame taking over, don't carry that either, that's not yours to carry anymore. The choices were made, the past has happened. Give it to Jesus. Your Mess is His. 

Have a great week!

-Amy