Learning to be ok with being an American: Part 1

"I'm ashamed to be an American"

  It was something I told myself constantly after I moved to Ireland. I was ashamed of the reputation that America has amongst other countries and I was ashamed of American tourists when I saw them in town, wearing their college sweatshirts and shouting loudly at one another as they walked around, clutching their Dublin maps. I was ashamed at how they carried themselves and ashamed at the culturally inconsiderate jokes people would make that I would hear when I passed by them on my way to work. Somewhere along the line, I even became ashamed of myself for being one of them. When I came home for the first time in Fall 2018 to visit for my brother's wedding, I found myself cringing when I heard people in the grocery store speak. I found myself cringing at the way people behaved in shops and how people would overreact about things in restaurants or rushed you out the door. I feel awful saying all this but at the time it was how I felt. When I visited again at Christmas, I became frustrated and unforgiving of fellow tourists I came into contact with while in a crammed train with some friends on the way to NYC. I heard a woman loudly complain about the train being crowded and hot. "Flipping Americans..."I said under my breath and rolled my eyes. Thankfully, she didn't hear me and then I heard a voice in my head that said, "don't forget you are one of them, be gracious".

 Something that I have been processing for the past 8-9 months is what it means to be an American and how to not feel shame for it. I find this especially hard with recent events going on in our country. Having spent significant time living in both America and Ireland, it can be easy for me to say, "oh why can't we just be more like the Irish? Why can't we have more banter and make more jokes with strangers? Why can't we just be more open-minded toward others in our churches? Why can't we learn to live in the moment more instead of being all "go, go, go"? Why can't we be more considerate of others or hold our tongues while we're out in public/complain less? (etc) The thing I am remembering to learn though is that there is no such thing as the "perfect" country. We are all sinners and so all our countries, are imperfect. This is earth. This isn't Heaven-so we're not going to get it right. There is going to be pain and brokenness BUT just because that is the case, that doesn't mean we shouldn't try to be better. That doesn't mean we shouldn't try to change or pray for change. So to close I'm just going to say these things:

-Speak and stand up for those who aren't given the opportunities to stand up for themselves
-Do not stay in despair about all the things that are wrong with our country, it's ok to mourn over it all but then take that despair and turn it into action. See that you can use this time to grow as a person and influence those around you in a positive way.
-Pray for change and growth in America-it's upsetting that we're where we are at, but we don't need to stay there
- Be thankful that our eyes are being opened to the things that need to change-having the rose-colored glasses removed isn't fun, but it is important
-Pray for our leaders, pray for God to give them wisdom to handle things better
-Give grace to yourself and others as you face & think through these things-it's ok if it's a slow process, just don't give up on working through it

I don't have the answers, I'm still processing through these things but for this past while these are just some of the things that I've been thinking through and learning. I could go more into the details of having a bi-cultural mind and the wrestling and process of that is but that's a post for another time. As always, I hope that what I am sharing can be encouraging or motivating rather than discouraging.

Until next time,
Amy