24 things I've learned from 2024

 

I'll preface it to say, that some of these things are brand new lessons while others are ones that I needed reminders of that I had lost for awhile. 

1.) It's okay to set boundaries

    Boundaries weren't something that was talked about much when I was growing up. I have memories in one of my college courses related to student ministry where we read a book about creating margins in your life. I believe it was quite literally called "Margin".  The purpose of the book highlighted that quite like proper sentence structure in writing, we need to create spaces in our lives that show where we can give our time and where we cannot. Maybe it was my upbringing in the church with parents who were actively involved in ministry or maybe it was being a missionary, but boundaries are something I struggle with. I have a hard time saying "no" to people. If someone pushes back or says something that makes me feel bad, I won't hold my ground. I'll often cave in. I  really learned and began to understand the past couple years, to see that it's okay to say "no" to things I don't want to do, to things that I don't have time or energy for or to say "no" when I'm not in the mood for something. 

 I learned that it's okay to say "Hey I'd love to catch up but I'm only free from this time to this time" instead of being like "Yea I'd love to catch up! I'm free when whenever works best for you!" I have learned the value of scheduling my life with pockets of time: Time with God, time with others, time for myself, time doing something active that is good for my brain and body and time to rest in ways that are restoring. 

2.)Get your dopamine fix in healthy ways

    This is something that I have only begun to understand more so the past 2 years. Blame it on the ADHD but I realized coping with the cravings my brain gets because of ADHD, in unhealthy ways is not the answer. It feels good in the moment but there are more beneficial things than doom scrolling, eating junk food, and taking risks that aren't good to take. It is much more beneficial to get outside ( no matter the weather), listen to good music, read a good book, dance and get your hands moving (whether that's cooking, baking or a creative project). 

3.) Anger is an okay emotion, don't shame yourself for anger

    Anger is an emotion that I was often uncomfortable with growing up and still struggle with. There are deeper reasons for this but now's not the time to get into it. I usually don't have a problem with others' anger but when I feel anger, I feel shame. I learned this year that it's okay to get angry and express it but that there is a healthy way to express it. I am learning the balance of expressing it without being impulsive and losing my cool but also not bottling it up leading to me feeling quietly resentful then....blowing up. 

4.)It's okay to ask for what you want and share what you need-

    I've always been a pretty go-with-the-flow kinda person and to a point I still am. I'm pretty easy going about day trips and what happens on them. If someone is dying to try a restaurant they've always wanted to try but it's seafood and I don't like seafood, I'm not going to stop them or say "no", I'll bite the bullet and try to find something I might like on the menu. 

 However, there are moments when I too, have needs and wants. I have things I want to do and I have preferences. I used to think if I voiced these things then that would make me selfish but I have learned that if I don't share what I want or tell people what I need in relationships (platonic and non-platonic) then they can't really know me and they can't learn to love me in the ways I need them to. It takes 2. Not one. This will create a gap and I will be left sacrificing constantly or accommodating, but feeling unseen. They'll feel like I'm a robot and I'll resent myself for not speaking up and feeling like no one ever really sees me just the version of me that they've become comfortable with or created in their head. It's my own fault I feel that way though because if I won't even speak up about the little things then how can I let people know the deeper stuff? It's nice to be selfless and let people pick what they want or share what they want but it's even kinder to speak up and share what you want and like too. 

5.) "God is greater than the highs and lows"

    I've learned this countless times in adulthood especially and this year was no different, He really is and I'm very grateful. This message has rung true in so many of my previous posts. I could write a novel about this. Maybe I will ;)

6.)Joy and pain can coexist-

    This one's a doozy. Again, I have other blog posts that expand more on this so I won't spend too long on it but it's true. In the past year, I have never cried so much in my life due to various life circumstances hitting all at once (errr well since I've been over the age 2 or 3). Truly. However, I have never found so much contentment and appreciation for the beauty of the small moments and beautiful things about life than ever before. From the way sunlight reflects on white sheets to my baby nephew's smile. From a really good song that you can't stop playing on repeat to something bigger like the peace I feel in my heart when I look at Jesus even when life hurts. 

7.) Acknowledge when you have struggles BUT don't let your struggle be your excuse- 

    Looping back to ADHD (Which I have the quiet more distracted version of, my brain is often very loud and hyperactive), Despite the "magic focus" pill, I still struggle a lot at times with being productive, organized and will say and do hurtful things impulsively when I'm truly angry. I need to set alarms for when bills are due and write checklists if I want to clean or get errands done. If I don't do so, things like that don't happen. I let important details slip through my brain at moments, yet I'll remember your favorite childhood Christmas present. I don't know how to explain it's just how my brain works. Though it's not easy, I've learned to accept that being disorganized isn't just a "cute, quirky" trait of mine but something that can cause major consequences at times. I am learning the balance of having grace for myself in those moments but also taking the steps I need to to be more aware of when I'm slacking, need to keep myself in check and manage my emotions better.  10/10 recommend journaling when you're dealing with anger and hurt. 

8.) Jesus truly does understand and knows what you're going through 

    Yes, Jesus is without sin, fully God and fully man but he DOES understand. He faced loss, pain, suffering and even temptation. I think we often forget that because of his holiness but he gets it. I found so much comfort in this when life feels like a lot or when I feel like I fall short of what a Christian is supposed to be. I found a lot of freedom in seeing that he understands which leads me to pray more honestly and openingly. 

9.) Take care of your body (nutrients and working out/being active) 

    I understand how especially in the winter, it can be easy to let this one slip. I know personally I do better in the Spring/Summer/Fall with eating well and being active. However, what you do now to care for your body will impact you in the future. It will. If you want to be strong, build muscle. If you to be healthy, make sure you get good nutrients. A lot of body health is also connected to our brains which I think we forget. What we eat impacts our moods, our thoughts and our energy, so it's important to be mindful of what we eat and balance junk food/ take out and making home cooked meals and eating healthier snacks. 

10.) Some things aren't personal

    Sometimes people act in a certain way or say certain things, that leave you dumbfounded and irritated. Other times, you are left feeling anger and pain. You will bring a lot more peace to yourself the sooner you realize, some people's habits of communicating and dealing with things, is not personal. It's how they are. Everyone has different histories, traumas, upbringings and life experiences that leads them to live how they do. It is what it is and it's more peaceful to not let yourself be so easily offended or feel worthless over their behavior. 

11.) Budgeting is a smart way to live

    A true game changer. Is it annoying when you're like "aw man I really want to buy that or treat myself to that or spend this much on groceries"? Yes very annoying but, it's temporary pain for longer term gain and your future self and car/rent payments will thank you :)

12.) Don't assume, ask

   Don't make assumptions based off someone's actions and behavior. Just ask. If you find yourself in your head about how someone is acting or think you may have said the wrong thing and hurt their feelings. Just ask, it's better to ask and clear the air and apologize if needed rather than make assumptions. With my housemates, we have learned that sometimes we each just have a day and if we seem stand-offish it's not necessarily something anyone has done to the other, we just need space. Personally, I'm learning to communicate that more rather than distance myself without explanation. 

13.) It's okay for people to be mad at you. People can be mad at you and still love you.

  Honestly, I'm still pinpointing why I struggle with this one but I feel that if someone is mad at me then they must hate me or will leave me. I fear it in closer relationships. However, I am learning that it's okay if someone is mad at me. It doesn't always mean the relationship is severed or that I am worthless or a failure. Sometimes, I'm going to mess up and do something that angers someone or irritates them and that is perfectly, okay. 

14.) The time you spend with God and in His Word DOES impact your heart, mind and actions

     Another lesson I'm continually learning. I truly get so off balance if I'm not reading my Bible, proactively seeking to learn more about Jesus and how to live, praying or talking to God. I get more insecure, more prone to react in ways that are uncharacteristic of me, more focused on material things and the life I want to create for myself and more prone to pick up sins I thought I left at the door. If you have a relationship with Jesus, it really does impact you when you aren't consistently watering that relationship. 

15.) Communicate what you're feeling, don't bottle it up then explode

     I am notorious for dumbing down what I'm feeling if I'm hurt by a word or action. I just take it, tell myself it's "not a big deal". Until that comment, dig, way of communicating or action is done again one too many times, then it's like the kettle goes off and out come the steaming words I can't take back. I am learning it is better to speak up the first time something is done that hurts me or rubs me the wrong way in closer relationships. 

16.) Tell people when you need time alone

    I am an introvert to the core and sometimes, I just need "me time".  I need to be alone with my sketchbook, a book, music or go on a drive or to watch an episode or 2 of a show I like. I find in working with students and having to be "on" all day that I need at least 30 minutes to myself when I come home from work before I can give my housemates the time and attention that they deserve. 

17.) Get creative in the kitchen

     The past couple years, I've found value in thinking outside the box of meat and veggies or pasta with various sauces. I used to think putting effort into meals would be too expensive or time consuming but there are a lot of great dishes with just 4 ingredients out there that take less than 40 minutes to make. Pinterest is a life saver for finding those recipes!

18) It's ok to say "no" when you don't want to do something or don't have the energy for it

Looping back to having margin in one's life. I have learned that I don't have to feel guilty when I say "no".  Whether it's taking on a project, ministry or opportunity I don't have the time for or simply not feeling up for seeing a friend because I'm fried or getting together with someone, it's okay to say "no". I still feel guilty at times, it's a hard mindset for me to break but I am learning that if I can't give the time I want to or show up how someone deserves me to show up, it's okay to say "no". 

19.) Let close friends hold you accountable to habits you want to change

    We weren't designed to live life alone. We were made to be in relationships with one another. Part of relationships isn't just the fun stuff, having friends to give to, support and that affirm you but also having friends that challenge you. Stay close to people that tell you and show you they love you but also aren't afraid to call you out on your sh*t. These are the relationships that are truly worth investing in. Though it's not easy to humble yourself, ask people to do this for you or to help you break a bad habit. It is worth doing and makes the friendship that much deeper. 

20.) Keep a daily gratitude list

    This is something I learned back in college and each year I continue to find it help me be thankful to simply be alive as well as look to God and find gratitude for the simple things that can make life enjoyable and feel like such a gift. 

21.) Get a library card to save money on buying books

    Back in the Spring, I was venting to my mom about all the books I wanted to buy but how I could never afford to buy them. She suggested I join the local library and reminded me that the one near my current house versus the one I grew up near, had a really good selection of more recent titles. I joined and she was right! It’s a big money saver and saves my bedroom floor from being piled up with books since I don't have enough shelf space. 

22.) Try new creative projects

    Whether you knit, sketch, paint, sculpt or carve, it's fun to try new mediums of art. This past year I took a 6 week ceramics course, painted journals and turned one of my sketches into a bumper sticker. It's fun to try new things if you enjoy creating. As my finances allow, I look forward to turning more of my sketches into bumper stickers and am currently dabbling with getting into wood burning once the weather gets warmer, so I can be properly ventilated. 

23.) Pray honest prayers, don't sugarcoat things

    Sometimes, when I'm praying I tend to dumb down how I'm really feeling or what I really want to ask God for. The truth is though, He already knows our hearts and knows what we're thinking, so I might as well be straight up with Him. I can talk to Him as I am, I don't need to clean up my words and I am free to share whatever is on my mind. I forget that sometimes but it's freeing to be reminded of that. 

24.) Creek wading is a good cure for stress

    This summer while I was hiking, I came upon a creek. It was a hot summer day and the thought of kicking my shoes off and wading in sounded so good. As a kid, I used to swim in a creek at one of my friends' houses a lot. I have memories of catching cray fish and doggy paddling in the deeper parts of the creek. I've swam in oceans and lakes as of lately but hadn't swam in a creek in probably over 15 years.

  I looked at the water and saw that it was shallow enough to wade in so I kicked off my socks and shoes, then dipped my feet in. The slimy moss beneath my feet took me back in time and as I continued to wade in up to my knees, careful not to step on the little crab critters scurrying beneath the slimy stones, I felt like all the stress I had was gone and this sense of peace and freedom. I don't know the "why" of it but I felt a lot of peace and found it relaxing. I look forward to more creek wading this upcoming summer!

 This past year has probably been one of my hardest years to date. I spent most of it wishing that there was a way I could have learned some of these lessons without the pain, without the mess-ups, without the misunderstandings and without personal conviction of my own heart. However, when I stop and reflect and learn to let go, I'm truly thankful for all that I have learned through it and that God has been gracious with me and my heart as I try to apply these things I've learned and am continuing to learn. 

God is truly faithful and will truly never leave us nor forsake us.

Have a Happy New Year and a great week!

-Amy