Learning to be ok with being an American: Part 2

  

    Now, I'll preface it to say that I'm not looking to get into any debates about politics or politics within the church by sharing this, I'm simply sharing this to share more of the impact living in a different culture can have on someone and how it can affect their identity. Back in 2020, after returning from living in Ireland for a couple years I wrote a post about how I was learning to be ok with being an American, this is part 2 of that post. I divided it into 2 parts because there was still so much more to process and to be shared that I couldn't fit it all into one nor did I have the words for it in 2020. 

  I'm not saying all churches in America or Ireland do x, y and z. I'm just pulling from my personal experiences and what I have observed across the board. The biggest adjustment and thing that I struggled with upon my return to America was church and American Christian culture. To paint a fuller picture, I'm going to go back in time for a bit and share about my experience going to Bible college. No disrespect at all to my college, it was a good school and I know that there were many people who did have my best interests and were real but when you go to Bible college it can be very hard to find the line between a self-proclaimed holiness and an honest, "I'm trying to seek Jesus but I make mistakes and choose my way instead of his way sometimes still because I'm human." I often felt in Bible college that there was pressure to be a certain way. To say certain things, to listen/not listen to certain music, to do/not do certain things and to have certain talents even-to be a good speaker, to be a good leader, to be full of Bible knowledge (etc.). 

   And in the pressure, it was very easy to lose sight of what one actually believes, what one actually thinks and who one actually is, not who someone is on the surface. Much of the time leading up to Ireland, I felt like I made the marks of what a "good" Christian was but somehow God didn't feel so close nor did I believe He could possibly love me on my "bad" days, only on my "good" days. The days I read my Bible, followed the rules and prayed. It was in Ireland though that I had space to really ask "what do I believe about God?" "What do I believe about myself?" "What do I personally think is ok/not ok based on my interpretation of the Bible, not what others have always taught me?" It was in Ireland that I saw God in a more personal way and finally believed that He really did love me just the same, on my "good" days and my "bad" days. I felt freedom to be myself, even if that self wasn't always smiling and saying "yea it's fine" when things were so not "fine".  I felt freedom to not have all the answers instead of feeling like I had to be this person that had everything figured out and loads of wisdom to offer. It was so freeing. And I felt freedom to think about what I believe politically instead of just going with what I was always told to think. 

  It has been in my personal experience across the board in America, in ministry and in church that we are very self-righteous. We are too focused on getting the praise and glory for the things we've accomplished rather than giving Jesus the glory. We have become set on making church a place with people that fit into our "boxes" of what we think a Christian is/should be rather than a place that welcomes all people of all different backgrounds and life walks. We are too focused on quantity instead of quality. On money instead of making it about people-caring for them and making do with what we have. 

   In my personal experience being involved in ministry in Ireland, I saw leaders that focused on quality instead of quantity, I saw leaders that approached things with humility and grace rather than a self-righteous attitude. I saw leaders that operated their churches as places where everyone was welcomed. Not just those who fit into the "Christian box" and the stereotypical definition of what a Christian is. I saw people who love Jesus approach political topics with compassion rather than with a personal agenda. And I saw many people credit God to things rather than themselves. I found this refreshing.  The biggest thing that I have and continue to wrestle with here across the board in America is how we do church and ministry.

    Politically, we've gotten far too involved than in my opinion we need to be and are painting Christianity as something Jesus never intended it to be. Something that says "hey, think how I think OR else..." Yeaaaa that's not the Gospel. The Gospel is grace extended to people who didn't deserve it (aka all of us), extended to every dang person. Not just the qualified. Not just those who "made the mark". So in America, if Christians are going to go there, shouldn't we approach politics and churches the same way? Be more including, loving and accepting. That's what Jesus would have done. 

    Through things I've seen and my conversations with others over there, I also no longer see a lot of things politically in black and white but I see a lot in grey. And it is a weird place to be when you are surrounded by conservative Christians and sometimes it makes me want to hop on a plane and go back across the pond where I feel I can be both a Christian and someone that may not be either on the right or the left in terms of being liberal or conservative.  I think these things are the biggest things I've battled with since moving back to America and as long as I remain here, I think I will always wrestle with these things and will always try to figure out where I fit. 

 So if anyone was curious about what happens when an American leaves their culture, here you go. I have more I could say but I'll end this segment in 2 parts. It's been 2.5 years and I still don't have all the words. I hope that something could have been insightful or helpful in some way. I could be wrong but I think personally that I had some worthwhile things more church people this side of the pond could hear. I share this because I used to only think in what fit into my box of what "church/Christianity/ministry" and "politics" is/should be but through my time outside of the States, my eyes have been opened in ways that I think are good and beneficial. So I hope that if you do happen to be an American involved in ministry or church that this was insightful for you too. I don't want to start a war with anyone, I know I have a lot of friends from ministries I've been involved in this side of the world and conservative Christians in my life that I still love dearly that may read this, these are just my personal insights and frustrations and the things I've learned/how I've changed. 

**This insight is more from my experiences/observations of and in various churches in America throughout my life, not the one I currently attend**

Until next time,
Amy