I feel it all. I feel it all: the "F" of the INFJ

   

    Feelings. We all have them. Sometimes we embrace them, other times we find it easier to run from them when it involves more negative things like disappointment, anger or grief. The INFJ is known for being a personality type that embraces them and makes decisions based off them and their own personal values.  I don't just watch movies that I enjoy but I'm more drawn to movies that make me feel deeply and have an overall message. Movies like the Dead Poets Society, the Perks of Being a Wallflower, Little Women, Mona Lisa Smile and Good Will Hunting. Now don't get me wrong, I love a good rom-com just as much as any other girl and sometimes it's fun to shut off my brain and watch dumb humor comedies but my favorites are ones with deep meanings and emotional topics. I listen to music that have lyrics or a sound that makes me feel things, not just because it sounds good. Musicians that put into words something I'm feeling but don't quite have the words for or an instrumental arrangement of sorts that is just so beautiful or makes me feel happier or free, I get lost in it. 

    I hold strong values and if something goes against what I value then I don't make decisions that align with those values. And whether for better or worse, I let my heart drive my decisions most of the time more than my head. Now, that in and of itself isn't a bad thing but it can have negative repercussions at times as sometimes I need to decide things more based on facts or logic instead of what "I feel". For example, I need to be logical about my financial decisions and budgeting. I can't just go buying whatever I want when I want just because I want to. Would I love to have really good coffee shop coldbrew and lattes with fancy danishes every morning for breakfast? Absolutely! But is this financially feasible? Nope! not at all. I need to think about my spending and how if I spent like that, it wouldn't be helpful to my savings and payments for things that are bigger and actually important like my rent, student loans, car payments, gas and groceries. 

    The past year, I had to take a part-time job on the weekends to help meet some financial goals I had more myself in regards to paying off loan payments. Now, did I want to do that? No, I love my weekends! Especially as someone more introverted, I see them as good time to rest and re-energize. But, if I wanted to pay off a certain amount of my loans, I needed to not think about what I "felt" like doing but instead what I knew logically would be wise and beneficial for me in the long-term. And while I was bummed to wake up on Saturday mornings or lose most of my Sunday afternoons and evenings in the moment, in hindsight, it was worth it! It helped me reach the financial goal I had for myself. 

    I think that responding to the "feeling" attribute of the INFJ in a Gospel-centered way is to be aware that our personal feelings shouldn't drive our faith and response to life and others. For example, if I let a more negative feeling drive my decisions, then I may step out of line of responding in a loving manner to someone. I may respond to them curtly. I may say something mean that doesn't need to be said even if I'm thinking it. Something that brings them down instead of builds them up. There's a way to share your feelings toward someone or something they did without trashing them. But, I need Jesus to help me do that. I can't do that on my own if I'm responding out of whatever I'm feeling in the moment. It may not even be harsh words, It could be an overly critical tone rather than a gentler but firm one. 

    In addition to this we shouldn't let our feelings drive our faith because they are unreliable. The truth is no matter how long you've been a Christian or how much you think you know about God, you will grow tired at times of following Him and there will be times you feel hopeless. Spiritual disciplines will feel like a chore and seeing the bigger picture will become harder when tough times hit. It's important in these times to not rely on what you're feeling as choosing to do so may just lead to a deeper feeling of hopelessness, a loss of direction and overall, a continued weariness rather than strength. Faith is belief in something you can't fully see and choosing it anyways even though your personal emotions may wax and wane. Spiritual disciplines can feel like at times as just another thing to "check off" but even when you go through a season where it feels that way, the growth that comes out of choosing to engage in reading scripture and prayer, is so worth it when you stick it out. 

    In my own personal life, I went through a time where I really asked myself: "Why do I believe this? Why do I do this?" After all, I grew up in a Christian home, my parents were actively involved in the youth group as youth leaders, I’ve been on missions trips since I was 10, I know the Christian bands, I’ve read these Christian authors, but what do I believe? Do I do this because it’s all I’ve known or because I believe it? 

    It was a question I really wrestled with and even in the midst of feelings of uncertainty and doubt, I kept showing up. Kept talking to God and reading my Bible even though I felt confused about the whys of what I believed. In the end, I came to the conclusion that I believed what I did for myself not because of how I was raised or what I was surrounded by. And I’m really glad I was able to go through that process and put my feelings aside. Because then the hunger came back to keep learning more and the joy of following him. 

Next up, I'll be tackling the "J/judging" attribute of an INFJ and what it looks like to respond to that attribute in a way that keeps the Gospel in mind. 

Have a great weekend!

Amy