Me, Myself, my favorite mug, a book and I: the “I” of the INFJ

  

I will never forget the moment I learned there wasn’t something “wrong” with me, I was just an introvert. Through a series of conversations with my mom shortly after I graduated college, she encouraged me to read the book “Quiet” by Susan Cain. Only one chapter in, I began to feel so understood and like maybe I am enough just as I am. I was given this indirect message for so many years that being quiet made me “less than”. That being quiet meant I was insecure or lacked confidence. That being quiet meant that I felt awkward. And while yes in certain situations, I may feel awkward or intimidated, this simply was not true yet I let this message impact how I saw myself and convinced myself to listen to these lies about myself.  

  It makes sense really. In highschool, it was frowned upon by teachers if I didn’t raise my hand to answer questions during class.

 At 16, I was craving to talk about things with more depth and meaning or just things, not whatever the day’s highschool gossip was. Some moments, I just simply didn’t feel the need to speak and preferred to keep my thoughts to myself. Sometimes, I wanted to spend time alone and sometimes I didn’t. What highschool girl doesn’t want to always be with their friends? 

  Well, one that needs some time alone to feel energized and refreshed. And while alone time is ok and it’s ok if that’s what gives you energy versus being around others, we shouldn’t totally shut ourselves out from others. This rings true in life and biblically. We need other people. We were not wired to do life entirely alone. We need people to enjoy things with, people to learn how to serve and love better. People that can challenge us and encourage us. Having others around us is what makes us more refined. 

In 1 Corinthians 12:12-27, Paul writes, 

12 There is one body, but it has many parts. But all its many parts make up one body. It is the same with Christ. 13 We were all baptized by one Holy Spirit. And so we are formed into one body. It didn’t matter whether we were Jews or Gentiles, slaves or free people. We were all given the same Spirit to drink. 14 So the body is not made up of just one part. It has many parts.

15 Suppose the foot says, “I am not a hand. So I don’t belong to the body.” By saying this, it cannot stop being part of the body. 16 And suppose the ear says, “I am not an eye. So I don’t belong to the body.” By saying this, it cannot stop being part of the body. 17 If the whole body were an eye, how could it hear? If the whole body were an ear, how could it smell? 18 God has placed each part in the body just as he wanted it to be. 19 If all the parts were the same, how could there be a body? 20 As it is, there are many parts. But there is only one body.

21 The eye can’t say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” The head can’t say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” 22 In fact, it is just the opposite. The parts of the body that seem to be weaker are the ones we can’t do without. 23 The parts that we think are less important we treat with special honor. The private parts aren’t shown. But they are treated with special care. 24 The parts that can be shown don’t need special care. But God has put together all the parts of the body. And he has given more honor to the parts that didn’t have any. 25 In that way, the parts of the body will not take sides. All of them will take care of one another. 26 If one part suffers, every part suffers with it. If one part is honored, every part shares in its joy.

27 You are the body of Christ. Each one of you is a part of it.”

We need one another. No matter how introverted we may be, we need others in our lives. It’s how God designed us. To complement one another in the ways that He uniquely gifted each of us. Something I’ve been challenged by is that part of allowing others into my life involves sharing my thoughts and opinions. For various reasons some I can pinpoint the source of why and others I’m really not sure, it’s so deeply rooted in me that maybe I should stay quiet; I tend to keep my thoughts to myself. 

 Sometimes it’s out of consideration for others but other times it’s this subconscious little lie I’ve believed for a while that nobody really wants to hear what I have to say. They’re just being polite. However, I’ve found that my closest relationships have only grown the more honest I am about my thoughts and feelings. The things I enjoy, my opinion on something, my feelings on something I read or how something made me feel. 

 It feels weird to share those things when you’re used to staying quiet but I’ve found that even though it feels awkward at first or for me sometimes fear may come up as I’m afraid of how someone may react to what I have to say, it is better to just say it. It makes you feel lighter and opens the doorway for a more authentic relationships. Ones built not just in the good easy moments but even in the hard conversations. Ones built not just in the times I’m listening to a friend I care about vent about something but also in the times that I vent too and they sit there and listen with an open heart and a judgement-free stance. Those times can feel scary and vulnerable at first, but it’s usually worth it in the end. 

So my fellow introverts that may be reading this: yes, treat yo self to the solo walk in the woods on a beautiful day, the cuppa tea and book on the couch, a few hours binging your favorite comfort show and airbud in your ears, a laptop or sketchbook in your hands sitting in the corner of your favorite coffee shop, but don’t forget to also make time to enjoy meals and coffees, walks on sunny spring days, baseball games and icecream runs with some of your favorite people and even time serving others outside of your circle of friends if you have the capacity to do so. It’s what God designed you for :)

Stay tuned for the next letter of an “INFJ”

Have a great weekend!

-Amy