A New Pot

The soil seems dried up
The leaves have faded
What once grew tall and proud
Remains stagnant

Sitting in the corner of a dimly lit room

Too far away from the windows 

Too far away to catch a glimmer of light

“What are you doing over there?” The old man asks the avocado plant by the corner. “What’s happened to you?”

“Life.” The plant replies looking weary and tired 

“My leaves are losing its vibrancy and I can’t grow anymore I feel stuck”

The old man looks at the dried up plant. Not with disdain nor disgust but instead with a look in his eyes that nearly mirrors love. 

“You’re not stuck,” the old man quietly says. “You simply need a new pot to grow in, this old one is getting too small, it’s time for something new” 

The old man walks over to the closet where he keeps extra pots, he reaches in and grabs a larger pot from it then walks out, picks up the plant, carries the new pot and grabs a bag of soil. He carries everything outside. He sets the bag of soil on the ground, opens it up and begins to fill the larger pot with soil. “I’ll put you closer to the window too so you get some better sunlight.” He tells the plant.  

The old man starts to flatten the new soil on the side and makes a space in the middle for the plant. He then takes a small shovel and begins to dig at the soil around the plant then loosens it so he can remove the plant without ripping the root to replant it. He carefully picks up the tall avocado plant and places it into the new pot. 

“How’s that?” The old man asks. 

“It feels….different….”the plant says. “I don’t know what to do, I miss my old soil but I also wasn’t growing anymore.” The old man smiles at the plant with kind eyes, “it’s never easy to leave the familiar behind but it must be left if you feel you’ve become stagnant, plants were born to grow.”

The plant looked at the ground, “I understand”. The old man gave the plant a small sad smile but had a glimmer in his eye. “Just trust me, it will be different but there will be more opportunities to grow in this pot with this new soil”. He picked up the plant brought it back inside, gave it some water and put it in front of the window far away from the corner. “Don’t be afraid of the new soil, don’t be afraid to catch sunlight”. Then he winked at the plant and walked away to tend to the other plants in the room. 

Sometimes, in our lives we may feel like this plant. We can feel when we are becoming stagnant and weary. I know I can feel when I’m not growing and when I’m getting stuck. I know that I begin to feel this way when my time with God isn’t intentional. I start to feel this way whenever I read a Psalm a day or maybe listened to a sermon or Bible podcast on my way to work ya know the things that feel like “doing” but haven’t actually talked to God. When I haven’t spent time sitting in silence, sitting in nature, talking to Him about my worries and dreams my faith starts to feel bleh. I also know I feel this way when I let myself become too bogged down by the day to day of life. Go to work: Check. Do this: check. Call that person back: check. Get together with this friend: check. Text them back: check. Go to the gym: check. 

And while none of those things are bad at all, it can all just start to feel routine and dead. Even relationships with friends can start to feel like another thing to check off instead of something you want to do because you love them and want to see them. And it’s not even that you don’t value them less it’s just catching up with people just becomes another thing “to do” sometimes. It’s easy to forget to make space to do things that make you feel alive and if you have a relationship with God to forget to make quiet space to connect with Him instead of just reading or studying the Bible and going to church. 

I was processing some things in therapy the other day and shared that since I’ve been home since the end of 2019. (Yup. That long ago) I haven’t really felt free or like truly happy. It sounds so bad but it’s what I’ve felt pretty much since I’ve moved back to America. I’ve had moments of feeling free and moments of happiness but something has felt off. My therapist asked me, “what was it about being in Ireland that made you feel alive?”

Tears filled my eyes. “I felt like I could be a little kid again. I know it sounds dumb but the moments I felt free to explore Ireland and just be me I felt like a child, free” I recounted memories I had of running up and down large boulders in Bray Head, dancing on the beach at dusk with friends, being outside barefoot in the grass and picking tiny daisies, pranks my fellow Apprentices and I would pull on our team leaders (if you read this, thanks for tolerating them Tom, Vicki, Bruce and Kathy 🙃)climbing castle ruins with Serge interns, climbing trees, having sword fights with baguettes with my fellow Apprentices, playing on a playground at 2am in Ibiza and laughing uncontrollably. 

She pointed out that I used to make time to “play” and just have fun. I used to take advantage of enjoying the beautiful things around me. Play is something that we feel like as adults maybe we don’t need to do anymore. It’s something that we forget to include in our to list of to do’s and our catch ups. It’s important though. I also came to the conclusion that being out of my comfort zone allowed me to just let go and be my most free self. 

I think that while familiarity isn’t necessarily bad, if we stick to a habit or a routine or a way we live whatever it is, it can leave us feeling stuck to the point where there is no growth. Sometimes we need a new “pot” so to speak if we want to grow. I’ve been challenged to put “play” back in my life again (yes I have been climbing trees even when I’m alone but only when less people are around in the woods :) ) as well as remember what helps me grow my faith. 

I know that while one may think reading a Bible verse or listening to a sermon is enough, for me personally, I need that time talking to God as if He’s a dear friend, preferably outdoors if it’s nice out and when I don’t get that, ooof! I shrivel up and feel dead inside. So I know that even though it’s more comfortable for me in my week to just read a verse or passage then get on with my day then to make that effort to drive to a park and sit and chat with God, I know if I want to grow, I need to carve out that time with God as I feel lighter and more at peace when I take that time. 

 

What about you? What are some new “pots?” that you may need plant yourself in? What habits help you grow? 

Just some things to think on if you would like. 

I hope that you could be encouraged in some way hearing a bit about what I’m processing lately.

Have a great weekend!

-Amy