Confession: I'm not religious

I have a confession to make, I'm not religious. Not at all. I believe in the Gospel. I believe that God loved humans so much that He came down as man to save us. He died for us to show us that we can have life after death on earth. Life in heaven and one day a New Heaven and New earth. Now, if God is God and you've grown up around church or in the church, then you may ask why did He create Adam and Eve if He knew they were going to sin and invite sin into the world causing brokenness and destruction. After all He's God. He's all knowing. Why would He do that? And if I'm honest, that is a question that at times I wonder when I really start to analyze it all but I don't spend too much time on that because I believe in the Gospel and have seen it at work in my heart and life which is why I can't bring myself to fully doubt what I believe. 

I have literally felt the Holy Spirit and when I ask for peace in the midst of turbulence, I feel it. When I ask for strength when I have none, I find it somewhere and somehow muster it. I also in my life due to experiences on various missions trips or in different countries, have seen people healed legitimately (but that's a story for another time). And it breaks my heart that church gets associated with religion instead of a place to grow closer to God and others. It breaks my heart that sometimes Christians I hear about on the news and have encountered in real life can be so mean without any remorse guilt or empathy. The ones that tell people, "Oh no you can't join our club because you committed this sin or you live like this." UM no, that's not Jesus. It breaks my heart that who Jesus is has gotten lost in the midst of "don't do this/don't do that/be this/be that".  Something opened my eyes this week and that was seeing Muslims openly saying I'm Muslim. Women openly wearing hijabs in public or at work without shame. Yet Christians (Non-denominational, non-religious Christians) are so scared to say that they are. I, myself included. Everytime, I meet someone and the conversation goes to why I was in Ireland, where I went to college, what did I do on Sunday. I become bashful and say "Oh Lancaster Bible College" really quickly or say "I was working for a charity" then shrug it off. 

I have other friends who feel this too when we are in situations or places that aren't in our circles of people or friends who share what we believe. Is it culture? Is it how Christians are portrayed in the media? Is it our own fear of what stereotypes others might  think of us if we were more honest which then causes us to keep our mouths shut? Or maybe it is a mix of these things. But why should I be ashamed of something that I not only believe in but has literally TRANSFORMED me, my heart and my way of thinking. Like Woah! That's not to say I don't have ugliness in my heart, I for sure do! But the times it changes, are not me. It's just not. And I so, oh I so wish I could just blurt out everything I've been through the past couple months because the level of resentment and bitterness that's in my heart that washes away the more I look to Jesus but seeps back up when I turn away from him and relying on him, is insane. Like insane. The number of times I have prayed a single sentence prayer, "God, I cannot do this, I need You, help be my strength." Like more than a flipping thousand probably. And then I have somehow been able to not let it knock me down for too long. When I have a moment it does, those are the times when I take my eyes off him. Once I remind myself I need him, I slowly am able to crawl back out of the pit. He's real!!! He's real!! And the Holy Spirit is alive and active!! And damn, I just I want to scream it from the rooftops sometimes haha but I don't always do a good job at doing that. And who knows what this post is. It's not eloquent at all. Time is short. Jesus is real. The Holy Spirit is real, alive, active and working. Following Jesus is more so like going into battle everyday, while on an adventure and having a cup of coffee or a drink with your closest friend simultaneously rather than sitting in a pew and reading an old book that tells you what to do. 

So no, I'm not religious I'm following Jesus.