30 things I've learned in 30 years

In just a couple weeks I will leave my 20’s and turn *drum roll please*.....30. I will enter a new decade of life. One that for much of my life has always been the marker for things I wanted to accomplish by then. I mean come on, how many of us haven’t talked about a future involving marriage or how many kids we wanted or what job we wanted by 30 back when we were in highschool or even college? I know I did at 16.  How many of us have said, “I want to have at least one kid by 30.” “I want to be married by 30”, “I want this job by 30”. We’ve subconsciously taught ourselves that certain achievements must be achieved before we leave our 20’s. But sometimes we don’t achieve those things before 30 and it can be easy to be hard on ourselves. But would if, would if instead of focusing on what we haven’t achieved by 30, we instead focused on what we learned and the things we did achieve? Would if instead we focused on who we were becoming? So here it goes….”30 things I’ve learned in 30 years.” 

1. Exercise really does make a difference. I know that when you’re feeling low  it can be tempting to curl up in a ball and watch tv instead of go for a quick run or get to the gym but I found that when I fight those temptations when I’m feeling low, I feel a lot better in the end. Trust me, at least 30 minutes of some form of cardio 3x a week really can help your mental health. As always there is grace for things and sometimes the thing you need to do for yourself is curl up in a ball but be mindful of the times you resort to that if it is in your control. 

2. Budget. If you have rent, budget. A car loan payment, budget, student loans, budget. You get the picture. I used to live my life not budgeting and just keeping an eye on my bank account but living like that caused some moments of financial stress I learned later in my adult life I could have avoided, so budget. Make a spreadsheet. Put reminders in your phone. Whatever you need to do to track your finances. 

3. Learn new recipes. It’s fun to bake or cook things you haven’t before. So always be willing to try new things even if you’re not super into cooking. You can find new basic recipes on pinterest. Give it a go!

4. Keep a list of gratitude-I find that writing down the things I am thankful for can help my mindset when I am stuck in a rut of comparison or going through a tough time

5. If you think of a friend and want to know how they are or have something encouraging to say-reach out! I’ve found that when God puts someone on my heart to pray for or gives me an encouraging verse for someone that when I reach out and do those things, it can make the other person’s day.

      6. Be adaptable. This one is one that I have learned from living with others. When people come together whether that be housemates or spouses, people are coming together with their own way of how they were raised and how they do things. Their own preference of how a home is kept, their own daily routines and quirks. Sometimes those things are going to clash. When things clash, don’t be stubborn in your ways. Be willing to see their side. Work together and make a compromise on how you want to live. If the clashes lead to conflict, don’t bottle it up. Communicate. Those conversations can feel awkward but I’ve found in the end it makes for a happier home.

7. Which leads me to number 7-Don’t run away from conflict. Conflict is uncomfortable. Typically, I run away from it rather than toward it but then I end up bottling up what’s really bugging me and then one day, it explodes. I have learned the moment I feel unsettled about something and can’t just let it go, it’s better to just bring it up rather than hold a grudge. 

8. Don’t be afraid to be honest. Sometimes, I am go with the flow but sometimes I keep my mouth shut out of fear of losing people with my thoughts and opinions if they might differ from them or if I have a concern that I fear might lead to conflict, I keep my mouth shut. I am learning though that it is better to say what’s on your mind or how you feel about something. The right people will stick around or handle any conflict that may arise between you two in a healthy way.

9. Listening to “Get Low” by Lil Jon can cure a multitude of ills. I said what I said

10. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there, because you never know what the outcome will be. Whether that’s auditioning for something, in the dating world or in the job hunt. Give it a go, send that application, go to that try out, tell people you’re looking to meet someone. You’ll never know unless you give it a go. 

11. Pray about everything. This one comes from Philippians 4:6-7. Take everything to God in prayer. Everything. You may not always see how God is working in it but trust that He is and He takes all of your prayers seriously. Sometimes He’ll guide you on what to do but other times it’s up to you to just wait on Him. 

12. Don’t be afraid to be yourself. I don’t always do this one well as it takes me a bit to warm up to people. Sometimes I look back on things and I see that I held myself back from being who I was and then someone on a missions trip, at work or on a date, didn’t get the privilege of really knowing me. It’s good to be mindful with vulnerability (which isn’t always about deep stuff, sometimes being vulnerable is being the person you are with the people you are closest to) but you will regret times you didn’t make the jokes you wanted to make or be more of who you are in certain situations. 

13. Let go of things you cannot change. Following up with that though, don’t beat yourself up and constantly say “I wish on that trip, I let lose more like how I do with so and so.” or “I wish I asked this girl more questions about that thing she mentioned.” People will come and go and you won’t always embrace your time with them the way you should have. Don’t beat yourself up about it though, see it as something learned for the next experience. 

14. Take pictures when you’re on trips or spending time with the people you love. It’s just nice to have the memories to look back on. 

15. Just because you break up, it doesn’t mean the relationship was a failure. I must admit it has taken me some time to come to terms with this one. I think that we tell ourselves that any relationship that doesn’t end in marriage or last a year or 2 is a failure, especially if you are navigating Christian dating world or were raised in a Christian family. However, if you can look back on a relationship you had and see that you:

            1.) cared for each other

2.) respected each other

3.) handled conflict in a healthy manner 

4.) kept God in the center

(or 1-3, if you are reading this and have other values)

        Then that’s not a failed relationship. It was just one that wasn’t meant to last in the long game but it was successful in other ways. You can have meaningful dating relationships that aren’t filled with pain, regret and baggage. You can have ones that were pleasant and healthy and encouraging without them lasting. I think we’re quick to say that if something is good then it needs to last and if it doesn’t last then it’s bad and we or the other person messed up or did something wrong. We need to stop saying that though. In terms of dating relationships, we can have really good healthy things that are meaningful to both parties but for various reasons, it just doesn’t last and that is ok. 

16. Silence can be a good thing. I think we often feel that when we spend time with people we need to have a lot to say or we need to be constantly asking questions. I find though that the people I am the most comfortable with are the people I can just have a few moments of silence with. It’s the people I can do everyday things with like go for a walk, watch a show, stare at the sky or go for drive with without constant words that I feel most at home with. Maybe that’s just an introvert thing but I do find it comfortable at certain moments. 

17. You don’t have to be strong. Sometimes you will get hit with things in life and you will think that you have to handle it with a good attitude or you have to just be “ok”. That doesn’t really do you any good though because then eventually you will crack and you will feel weak and overwhelmed. it’s ok to admit you’re weak. It’s actually very freeing. 

18. Wake up to see the sunrise-Cheesy I know, but it’s beautiful if you do it intentionally at least a couple times in your life if you’re in a pretty place is well worth it. 

19. Make time to actually watch the sunset. Again, something that you may notice while you’re driving or out and about but so worth it to actually go and sit somewhere to watch it

20. Make yourself a hot breakfast on the weekends. If I don’t have morning plans I try to actually cook breakfast on Saturdays instead of settling for oatmeal or cereal. It’s just a nice way to enjoy a slow Saturday morning. 

21. Do things that scare you. I’ve never regretted any random thing that I was afraid to do but did. (Obviously to a certain extent, some things are not worth doing if we’re afraid for our actual safety) Even something as silly as going on an amusement park ride that may terrify you, just do it once. You’ll be glad you did it. 

22. Take care of your skin. This isn’t deep just something I’ve learned. Consistent skincare and eating healthy things or at least a balanced amount of things=good skin. Inconsistent skin care and eating too much too often of something greasy or sugary=bad skin lol. I learned for myself I have to be mindful of what I eat and how I take care of my skin. Like if I really want to eat icecream 5 times a week that’s fine, I just shouldn’t be surprised if I see more spots on my face haha. 

23. God is closer than you know. I know it can feel like He’s far away when it seems like your prayers aren’t being answered how you want or things feel like they are falling apart. I’ve learned during those times in my life though that He’s still there and He still cares about the little details, it might just take asking Him to remind you in small ways that He’s still there and then be open to the little ways He shows His presence 

24. Life may not go as planned. I struggle with this one. Not so much in the moment but more so when I look back sometimes and I think “oh wait when I was this age, I thought I would be doing x, y, and z by now or would have accomplished ____”.  Take time to grieve that what you thought would be by a certain point is not, but then focus on what you do have in front of you and be present. Don’t spend so much time wishing life looked different, you’ll rob yourself of enjoying the good in front of you

25. Limit social media. There have been times in my life where I have really struggled with comparison, it has been in those moments that I set a time limit on facebook and instagram because I learned that mindlessly scrolling isn’t actually mindless and instead could lead me to feel ungrateful or more insecure. The times I’ve done it have helped me manage those feelings better

26. Dogs are the best companions. This one doesn’t need an explanation, it’s just the truth 

27. Home can be more than one place. When I was in college, I lived in Lancaster for 4 years. It became “home” to me since I spent so much time out there and established places that made it feel like home. When I lived in Ireland for a couple of years, it became home to me as well even though I’m from America. When you spend a certain amount of time in a place, you learn to make it your own and then it becomes home. 

28. Some things we may not understand this side of Heaven. I do not like learning this lesson over and over again. I like to know the “whys”, I like to see the “silver linings” or have instant insight into why certain things in the world, others’ lives and my life happened but the truth is that there will be things we won’t get clear answers to while on earth. The world is fallen but God is redeeming it and that’s all I know. I don’t know the ins and outs of what that will be. I see glimpses of it but there are still so many things I do not understand that happen to people and  it’s hard but I just have to trust that God is going to redeem all the brokenness 

29. You were made to know God and to make Him known. This one is one that is hitting home for me more recently. I’m reminded that at the end of the day, it’s about making God known to others and growing closer to Him. Life is not about what the world thinks of Amy Bergvall or if she’s gotten everything she’s ever wanted. Sometimes I fall into that and I become so inwardly focused that I don’t think about how I’m treating those around me or if there’s something I could do for them.  I’m too focused on whatever random thing I have going on or I’m criticizing myself for something I did 4 weeks ago. God’s been reminding me of my purpose in the big picture of it all which has helped me be a little less overly inwardly focused.

30. God knows us better than we know ourselves. Somehow simultaneously, life is not about us but God knows us so deeply and intimately that He knows what we need. Sometimes I see tangibly very quickly that He knows me better than I know myself and knows what I need. Other times, it’s not untiI I look back on a time in my life and I’m like “ohhhh ok yea I see why you led me to that or allowed ___ to happen.” 

Welp! I hope that some of what I’ve learned in my life so far has been encouraging in some way.

Until next time,

Amy