The "R" Word

"Reverse culture shock" It's defined as "the emotional and physcological distress suffered by people when they return to their home country after living in a different country for an extended period of time" It's a term that got thrown around a lot at my mission agency. I was warned about it and told about it numerous times. It's a term that I've tried to avoid the past 2 months. It has been a word that has brought me both peace and frustration.

   The past 2 months have been quite the roller coaster. They have been filled with feelings of hopefulness, hopelessness, thankfulness, grief, happiness, depression and contentment. The return to one's home country comes in stages. First, there's the honeymoon stage or "euphoria" stage as some would call it. It's the stage where your home country feels like a friend you haven't seen in ages and you're just stoked to spend all your time together. There is some grief as you've just said goodbye to the country you were living in, and temporary goodbyes to the friends you made over there. You are still sad but you have energy, you're happy to see your family and friends. You cry tears of joy over cheesesteaks and smile when you see people decked out in Eagles jerseys at the food store.

   The 2nd stage, "Alienation" is filled with feelings of loneliness, frustration, anger, depression, and helplessness. It becomes easier to shut one's family and friends out and isolate oneself. One is faced with the realities that home is more than one place. It's the time when you try to pick up where you left off, but things aren't the same. It feels like trying to put together a puzzle that you once completed a couple of years ago, only the pieces don't quite fit the way they used to. Some of the pieces are familiar to you and they fit together with ease, but other pieces are lost.

    The 3rd stage "Readjustment" involves adjusting to your home country. It's accepting that those puzzle pieces that don't fit anymore, may not ever fit and that's ok. It's accepting that you aren't the same person anymore and that's ok. It's taking things one day at a time, and accepting that things that used to be muscle memory for you might take sometime. For example, You might have to remind yourself about things like tax on clothes and tipping waiters.

   I think I'm just starting to enter that "readjustment" stage, so I can't say much on what the 4th one will look like but here's some "do's and dont's " I've learned from these past 3 stages:

1.) DO give yourself grace. When you're trying to start over in your home country, don't put pressure on yourself to go back right where you left off or feel like you have to have the next "x" number of years sorted out. People will be coming to you left and right, and asking, "What's next?' "Where's next?" "What career are you headed towards?" Don't worry about "what's next" for now. Take a job that's steady that you enjoy and then just focus on what's going on in front of you, one day at a time.

2.) DON'T shut people out. It can be tempting to close off from your family and friends when you feel like a stranger in your own home country and are struggling to adjust to a lifestyle you were once familiar with. However, when you're in that "alienation" stage that's when you're going to need them the most. They may not fully understand what you are facing but if they seek to, you should let them.

3.) DO process what you've been through. A lot can happen in a couple of years, don't ignore the things you've seen or experienced if they have impacted you. It's healthy and good to talk about what you've learned, seen and done.

4.) DON'T shy away from getting professional help. This type of transition can come with feelings of depression and anxiety. Depending on what someone was involved in, one may even return to their home country with PTSD. Never feel shame for getting more professional help. It's good to talk to someone who is trained in helping people cope with adjusting to a new world view, possible trauma, identity stuff and overall feelings of reverse culture shock.

5.)DO keep in touch with those who have shared your experiences. I can’t stress enough how important this is. There have been many times where I have felt like something was wrong with me until I spoke with one of my friends that was in the same boat as me and she said she was facing and feeling the same things and then she told me about 4 other people that have also felt the same things. I have realised that everything I'm going through is normal. It sucks, but its normal.

6.) DON'T forget your friends have changed too and have had meaningful experiences over the past couple of years as well. Life is life and significant things are always happening to everyone. People go through ups and downs, joys and trials from day to day. Though they may not have had the same experience as you, their experiences are of equal value. Engage in whats going on with them and ask them how they are.

7.) DO find new fun places and things to do in your home country. Try a new restaurant or find a new town to explore. It helps liven up the transition home a bit.

8.)DO keep a list of gratitude. Write down the things your're thankful for about your home country. This helps you reappreciate where you were born and the people and places it has to offer.

9.)DON'T think of it as coming home, instead look at it as starting over. I can't take credit for this one. A friend of mine shared this with me and I cannot tell you enough how truly freeing it has been for me to view it this way. There is pressure to be exactly who you were before you left and have things come easily to you when you view it as coming home. However, looking at things with a fresh start with familiar faces around, takes a lot of pressure off.

10.) DO keep your eyes on Jesus. If you have a relationship with Jesus it can be tempting as in other things in life when things get crazy to put time with him on the back burner. He’s going to be the steadiest thing though. Pick a passage or verse that is meaningful to you. Personally, I have found relief and encouragement in the reminder found in Galatians 4:6-7 and Ephesians 2:10 that ultimately, I am not a missionary, youth worker or church intern but instead a child of God. No matter what “title” I may lose, I am still His daughter created to honour him each day and share Jesus’ love to others.

That’s some of what I’ve learned. If you’re going through this right now, I hope that you found it helpful in some way. I wanted to write something from my personal experience with this that breaks it down a little bit more easily from other articles I’ve read on this topic.

Until next time,
Amy