Home is not just a place

I used to feel that home was a place. It was a place where one was born. A place where someone would feel belonging. A place that was inviting and warm. 9 years ago, I left suburban Philadelphia and moved out to Lancaster, PA to attend college and obviously live with the sheep, the cows and the goats. I actually never saw any sheep or horses and buggy’s for at least 5 months mind you.
  For a time, Lancaster felt like it could be home and when I graduated 4 years later, I was sad to leave and anxious about what would be next but coming home felt like coming home. I felt that nowhere else in the world could ever feel like home except good ole' suburban Philadelphia.
  Then in 2017, I moved to Ireland for a period of time. And let me tell ya, once the jet lag subsided and it felt less like a nyquil induced fuzzy dream, I felt very far from home or any sense of belonging. I didn't feel known. I never realised how much I valued feeling known until I was completely unknown. Not in a way with big flashing pointing lights like "hey, look at THIS girl!" but in a way that's like, "hey, I'm going to give you space or make you laugh because I know you're stressed out or buy you your favourite sweet or a burrito because I know you're having a bad day." These things I realised I took for granted with the friends that I've known for years.
  In the moments at the beginning of my time here where I longed to be known, I had to remember that being known takes time and trust(on my part). It was then that I felt pushed to Jesus. When I felt unknown due to my own inability to trust easily, Jesus used my own stubborness and wall building to draw me to him. He reminded me time and time again that he loves me, he knows me and he sees me. It is something that I have held onto as I overcame my stubborness, let walls down and let people know me. For no one will be able to truly know us and see us like Jesus does. He sees straight into our very flawed hearts and still loves us. It seriously blows my mind. He is our hope and our home. He is what gives us a place and a sense of belonging.
   This is something that friends of mine have reminded me to hold onto as I find that I am sadder to leave Ireland than I was to leave college.  I thought I’d become good at saying goodbyes over be years, but this one seems harder than I thought it would be. Though it is not my original home, it's grown to feel like home and my house here feels like it's mine. What were once anonymous places to me have become mine and my "usual" spots for things. My Supervalu, my Tesco, my hairdresser, my doctor, my Cafe Nero and my "rock" in Greystones (etc.) Yes, I have claimed a rock as my own where I like to sit, think and write. Cheesey and hippie-esque, I know. Side note: if you ever do move somewhere new, even if just temporarily, be sure to find a "usual" spot. It definitely helps one feel more settled in a new place that at first seems scary and unfamiliar.
   Of the goodbyes I’ve hated in my life, this one’s pretty up there. Very unexpectedly, to be honest. But isn't that how God works sometimes? He takes the things we never expected, the things we argue with Him about even and then He makes those things impact us the most and become important to us.
   I don't know what lies ahead for me in the years to come. Sometimes, I used to see myself settling in suburbs for a short time then moving to Philly. But now, now I'm not so sure. The suburbs will truly always be my home but I am more open than I was 3 or 4 years ago to go wherever God will lead me and learn to make it home. It’s both exciting and terrifying. It feels like ziplining. Like that moment you leap off the platform. Your heart is pounding. Your legs are wobbling but then you close your eyes and leap off the platform, trusting that the harness will hold you as you soar through the trees and over the river. At the end of the day, no matter where I end up, in Philly for good, out of state or out of the country again, I can trust that Jesus will always be my hope and my home. He is the harness that holds me even as I soar over rivers into something I can't see. And for now that's what I'll be holding onto.
  So know that no matter what lies ahead or where you're at or if you've settled into somewhere new, Jesus will always be your hope and your home even when you can't feel the ground beneath your feet.

Have a good week!
Amy