Foundations
Sometimes, I think about my 18 year old self and what she would think about the way her life turned out. Would she be proud? Would she be upset or disappointed? Honestly, I think a bit of both. There are moments that it hits me that I am 25 and am not where I thought I would be by now. It is in those moments, that I question God on His goodness, His prescence and His love. I ask why my life did not pan out as I had planned. At other moments, I question that if I stayed home would I be closer to having the "American Dream" life ? Would I be closer to an apartment of my own, marriage and a well paying job? All the things in life that scream stability.
I may not be where my 18 year old self would have hoped I would be but I would not have it any other way. I don't regret the things I've been through, the people I've met, the places I have seen and the things I have learned these past few years and since moving here. The biggest thing I have learned is that I make people my foundation more than I realized I did. I never realized how dependent I was on others for stability and security until I was far away from all the people in my life that provided stability and security. I never realized how much I valued being understood until I came to a place where I had to make myself understood. How can people understand you if you don't let them in and let them get to know you? They can't, unless you make an effort to let them in.
I remember back in October, I was really discouraged. I had to start from scratch. I had to go through this awkward stage of friendships where you don't know each other well enough to truly trust each other. You can vent about some things but not everything. I like deep conversations. I like honesty. I like having close friends that I can call on when I need them. You can't create closeness in 2 months though. Closeness takes time and while that can be frustrating it's a good opportunity for you to remember who knows you more than you know yourself, Jesus.
I have never really been forced to depend on Jesus in a way that I have had to this year. When I longed to meet with a close friend and vent about things, I found myself venting to Jesus. When I first came here and just longed to be understood, I was hit with the realization that Jesus understands me so I would talk to him more than normal. When I ached for affirmation that again, only people who really know you, know how to give. I read Bible passages that affirmed me. I really learned that Jesus is the only firm foundation we can really place our trust and ourselves in. People will let us down at some point in our lives. Even those who know us really well because they are human. I am sure I have let people down in my life. A person cannot be our ultimate foundation. And really, placing all your security, identity, and stability on people, is just a lot of pressure to put on a person. I thought I understood that but surprise, I did not grasp that concept as well as I had thought until this past year. Making Jesus my foundation has helped me to feel more at peace. It frees me up to love others selflessly and helps me to not put high expectations on people to make me feel secure.
So today, maybe you have been placing your foundation in those around you. Maybe you look at your life and you are not where you thought you would be. Maybe you wished you were married by now but you're not. Maybe you still haven't found your dream job and that is discouraging to you. Whatever it is for you today, it’s okay to be upset by those things. You can admit that it hurts that some things in life did not pan out in the timing you had hoped. I'd encourage you though to take a moment and reflect on all that you have learned. The positive things that have happened even if you don't quite have what you want. Then run to Jesus. Spend time talking with him, read the Bible, pray. He will be your firm foundation.
To close, I'd like to leave you with a song I was introduced to back in the autumn. I hadn't listened to it much lately but I heard it earlier today and was really encouraged by it. I hope it can encourage you today too to remember that Jesus is a firm foundation.
Have a great week!
-Amy
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