When Plans Fall Through and God says, "Wait"

As some of you know I have been pursuing to go to Ireland for a 2 year Apprenticeship with Serge. As some of you also know my previous September 2016 deployment date has been pushed back to Spring 2017. When I first realized in May, that my deployment date would be pushed back I was suprisingly okay with it. I felt more relaxed about support raising as I was finding it overwhelming to try to raise my funds in just 8 short months. I was excited to be able to spend more time with friends and family as I was beginning to feel like my 8 months left at home were not enough. I was glad that I did not have to say “bye” quite yet to my job which has had ups and downs but overall, I’ve really grown to enjoy.

    As people here and there throughout the summer asked me when I was leaving, I would smile and say perkily, “Spring 2017, at least that’s the plan” and then we would talk more about fundraising, my ministry placement, things I am excited for in Ireland or would drop the subject and move on to talk about other things.

     Then August came and it hit me that I was so not okay with my deployment date being pushed back. I began to hunger to be in Ireland working with and loving on the kids I wanted to love on and working alongside the people that I was excited to work with. To really give myself to others in an environment that I was excited about. I wanted to be doing something that made me feel uneasy but purposeful at the same time. I longed to be in that city full of music, with the harp bridge and the cobblestone streets. I craved Chips and garlic from the Chipper ( fat french fries with melted cheddar cheese and garlic sauce) and Guinness on tap. I ached for the mountains that touched the sky. And I so desperately wanted to see the missionaries I met last summer face to face; hear my mentor’s wisdom, honest prayers and sweet encouragement more than once or twice a month via Skype. I was ready to say bye to my daily life and go and start using this time in my life in some bigger way, a way that calls me to step out away from what’s comfortable and safe. I was ready to be a part of something that I was excited to be a part of.

     So many times we have a plan. We have an idea of what we want, how we want it and when we want it. I remember when I got my tattoo, I had it all drawn out how I wanted it. I had a font I designed myself and I knew exactly where I wanted it. When I had shown the artist what I wanted at the shop, he explained that he couldn’t do the exact font I had drawn up but he could do something similar. He took me over to the computer and began scrolling through different ones. He came to one and stopped; showing me the screen and said, “I could do something like this, if you want?” “oh yea, I like that one. That’s perfect!” I told him. And it was. It was scripted so much more beautifully than what I had drawn up. I found out later on that the font was going to be bigger than I had wanted at first. He showed me the outline of it on my shoulder before he put began putting the ink in. The script stretched farther out on my shoulder than I had originally planned, but again I loved it and thought it was perfect. When he finished, I remember admiring it and thinking that it turned out better than I imagined it would. I loved the placement and the script more than what I had in mind previously.

   It might be a silly analogy but my tattoo story reminds me that sometimes we have a plan of what we want, how we want it and when we want it but like that tattoo artist had something better in mind for me than I did, God has something better in mind for us than we do. God has His reasons for pushing back deadlines, making plans fall through and making us wait.  Maybe today you are struggling to trust God with something that fell through. Maybe you’ve been tired of waiting on a job, a relationship or house. I know that today I would rather be packing 2 giant suitcases full of things for 2 years’ worth of survival than continuing with day to day life here at home but that is not where God has me yet.

There have been moments where I understand what this time of waiting is for, I accept the wait with open hands. I see how I am growing and ways that certain things can only prepare me for what lies ahead. There are also moments where I don’t get it, I’m frustrated and I am ready to be done with the rollercoaster of being mentally and emotionally in two different places. I am learning to trust though that the greatest artist, writer, sculptor and musician of my life will use this time in between to grow me and teach me in ways that will only prepare me for what lies ahead.  Waiting is hard and when plans fall through, it sucks but God knows what He’s doing and His timing is better than we can understand. I don’t always fully believe that but I am learning to. 

I hope that by sharing my little story with you today you were encouraged to know that while waiting is hard, God does do more than we can imagine and we can trust that He can use the times of waiting for good and growth. 

Have a great week!

Amy