a good kind of scary.

 

   It's funny how your life can change in one week with just one conversation. Back in early December, I was interviewed to be accepted by a missions agency to serve for a 2 year term in Ireland which is something that I have been pursuing and dreaming of since I returned from Ireland back in August 2015. December 9th, I passed the interviews and got officially accepted and honestly, I was excited but also afraid. I was afraid of stepping out of my comfort zone and having to speak at all these churches. I was afraid that I might be missing out on too much within the next two years. I was afraid of the goodbyes that lie ahead and overall, the ahem, "adventure"(more like anxiety) that living on my own in a new country may bring. It's funny how you can be dreaming about something for months and then when it actually becomes a reality, you think "what the heck did I just get myself into? Why am I doing this? I don't want to say bye to that" and the list goes on. Maybe you can relate to that.
  Maybe recently you accepted a new job you've been wanting or recently got involved in a new ministry or maybe you're getting married. You may find yourself second-guessing it all and worrying about all the things that could go wrong or the things about it that will be hard.

  Yet as I have had more time to accept this reality and write my support letters, stand in front of the churches and live life one day at a time, I have learned that God is there in new things that are exciting but scary. God knows that goodbyes will hurt and be really hard. God knows that public speaking is not my forte. God knows that there will be lonely moments and scary moments in Ireland as well as not so lonely moments and really awesome moments. In a new job or minsitry, there will be good moments and bad moments, there will be successful days and days were you feel like you failed. In a marriage, there are good days and bad days, there are times were you and your spouse will be doing really well and times that you will struggle.
       As I look back on my life and see other times that God asked me to step out of my comfort zone for Him, the times were unnerving and bit terrifying at first but He always came through in the end. He encouraged me, provided friends or gave me strength and energy. 

  So even though some days I am more anxious than others when I think about the reality of serving in a different country for the next 2 years of my life or I worry about support raising or what my community in Ireland will look like, I have a bit of peace that God will be there in those details (I'm learning to trust Him more about this, it's a process). It will be really hard to say bye and even though 2 years isn't really that long compared to other terms, 2 years is still 2 years, and a lot can happen in 2 years. Dear friends could get married, move away or have kids. In general it will be really hard to spend such a long time away from family and friends that I care about and enjoy spending time with. I'm excited too though. I am excited to return and to be able to reach out and love on the kiddos in Ireland and share with them the hope that is found in Jesus. I am excited for how I will be challenged and to be reunited with friends over in Ireland.

It's all a bit scary now that it's become a reality & a bit overwhelming but it's a good kind of scary.  I know that God will be there in the times when it seems overwhelming and hard. I'm grateful that God has taught me to take it one day at a time and though it is scary some days more than others, I am excited for what lies ahead.

So if there's any scary but exciting things ahead for you or just scary things, remember that you are not alone in it and that God is with you, even though it might be hard to see Him. He will give you strength for the things that lie ahead.

Have a great week!

"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

-Deuteronmony 31:8