In Times of Waiting & Uncertainty

  

    This summer, God broke my heart for Ireland and opened my eyes to the possibility of returning there for 2 years to serve as an Apprentice with a missions agency. He has so far opened the doors for me to return and as I prepare for Assessment and Orientation in December, it's all becoming more real. What once seemed like a pipedream is now within my grasp. I am thrilled, nervous and....lately feeling a bit.... torn. I feel torn because a part of me wants to not waste my time left at home, whether that be for 6 months or 2 years. However, another a part of me feels stuck and wonders how much I should commit to in the time in-between, especially as I start the ahem..."fun" of searching for jobs all over again. Do I work at a place where I can build a career or do I work somewhere just to keep busy and pay off loans even if it is not ideal? Do I go out on dates or do I just spend time with guys in groups but keep my distance? Do I stay at home where it's rent-free or do I look into splitting an apartment with a few friends? Do I meet new people in my area or do I save myself and others the heartache of goodbyes by sticking to the people in my town I already know?

  So much of me just wants to know how long this in-between time will be so I can know how I should be living. Unfortunately, I will not know how long or short this in-between time may be. And honestly, it's really hard because I feel that if I could know for sure when I will return to Ireland then all these major decisions could actually be decided. I have been realizing though that even though I literally do not know where I will be 4 months from now, that I don't want to waste my time at home. I have realized that when it comes to people, regardless of how the relationships may pan out in the end, it's better to get to know them rather than avoid getting to know them. I have realized that some decisions cannot be made until later and I am learning to be okay with that. 

   Waiting is never easy but that doesn't mean that it has to be meaningless. We all are waiting for something. We are always in some kind of in-between time. As we wait though, we do not have to fret or fear what comes next because no matter what lies ahead, we can remember that even when nothing seems certain, the hope and freedom that is found in Jesus is. And maybe, maybe that's what God wants to teach us in moments of uncertainty. Maybe in the days where we feel like we are living constantly in a state of "I don't knows" God wants to remind us that regardless of what we may not know about the circumstances that lie before us, we can know that we are free, we are loved and we are redeemed. And maybe, just maybe that should be more than enough for us to hold onto in the midst of feeling like we're free-falling.
  I hope that these thoughts could encourage you in some way if lately you feel like you're free-falling. Keep your eyes on Jesus, remember the certainty that is found in him

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever-Psalm 23:6