Confession: I Don't Trust God.

 

  Nobody likes betting on things that they can't see. Nobody decides to go on vacation without a map and says, "Yea we'll get there somehow, hopefully." Nobody just applies for a job without looking at the requirements and expectations. Most people like to know what they are applying for and where they are headed. I consider myself as someone who can go with the flow, and is okay with not knowing things and simply, being in the midst of something. I consider myself as someone that trusts God and truly believes that He has everything under his control, but the worries that arise in my heart and thoughts clearly state otherwise.
  Though I'd say that I leave things up to Him and remember that He has it all under control. It's only a matter of time before I am back to trying to take things out of His hands or impatiently waiting on the results of something. Particularly, I have noticed this when it comes to my future. Where will I work? What will I do? Who will I marry? Will I be married? Does God care about my dreams? Would if He gives me new dreams? Would if I don't like my future spouse or the new dreams He gives me? (yup, you read that right. As ridiculous as it sounds, I feel like if I cannot see something taking shape right in front of me then there's no guarantee that I will like it)
   If you asked me this time last year though what I'd be doing after graduation, I would have never told you I'd be living at home, working full-time at a coffee shop. I probably would have told you I was going to live at home for 3 months then move to Lancaster. I would have told you that I was going to have some type of social work related job. If you told me that living at home for the first year out of school isn't so bad, I probably made a face at you and told you: "Yea, but that won't be me. I'm tired of Bucks County."
 Yet here I am, living at home and enjoying the time as well as rediscovering Bucks County and the people and places it has to offer. I think about all the people I've met and new friends I'm getting to know more that I didn't even know this time last year and I am reminded by reflecting through these things that even though our plans may not go where we hoped they would have, God's plans for us is better.
 So, if He has provided what He has so far, why could He not do it again? Why should I sit there anxiously, with a dry paintbrush searching for the paints He's holding?  I shouldn't and I don't need to. Instead I need to let go of the paintbrush and give it back to Him, because it belongs in His hands.

Friend,
To be honest, my trust in God isn't suddenly skyhigh because I've read some scriptures or reflected on what He's done, I recognize that this is going to be a process for me. However, I am learning that the battle to trust God, is a battle worth fighting. Whatever you're holding onto today, stop and be honest with God about it. Be honest with Him that you don't trust Him, then ask Him to help you to trust Him.
   To close I'm just going to leave some scriptures about this incredible, gracious and powerful God we serve. I hope that they can remind you who God is and that as you are reminded of who He is, that you can begin to trust Him again.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are you ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."-Isaiah 55:8-9

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."-Ephesians 3:20-21

"Ah, Sovereign LORD, you have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and outstrecthed arm. Nothing is too hard for you."-Jeremiah 32:17

"Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."-Lamentations 3:22-23

"...Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in our transgressions-it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-not by works, so that no one can boast." -Ephesians 2:3-9

"The LORD is slow to anger and great in power; the LORD will not leave the guilty unpunished. His way is in the whirlwind and the storm, and the clouds are the dust of his feet." -Nahum 1:3

"The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."-Zephaniah 3:7

"The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands."-Psalm 19:1

"Lift your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name. Because of his great power and mighty strengh, not one of them is missing." -Isaiah 40:26

"The LORD reigns, he is robed in majesty; the LORD is robed in majesty and is armed with strength. The world is firmly established; it cannot be moved." -Psalm 93:1