When Things Aren't How You Pictured It

Your heart races as you stand awkwardly first in line. There is a gap between the major before yours. You silently hope that not everyone can see your fingers shaking and your knees knocking. Or at least you feel like they are, even if they really aren't. Questions pop up in your mind as you worry that you'll walk off the wrong end of the stage or you'll shake the Presidents hand and forget to smile and say thank you. Suddenly, you hear your middle name and you realize that it's time. Time to walk forward and receive that diploma cover that in just 20 minutes will hold a document giving proof of all the effort you've put into these past four years. Every late night staring blankly at your screen waiting for the right words to come for your research papers, all those hours in that beloved desk wedged between bookshelves you spent working on assignments, all the cups of coffee and chai tea you consumed so that you could make it through the night without getting distracted. All your effort will be in your hands printed on a sheet of paper that holds far more value than how easily it can be torn into two.

You forget that you are on stage in front of tons of people and all you know is that you are walking towards your college president. You continue to walk off stage absent mindedly wearing a goofy grin on your face the entire time that sneaks out even after you close your lips. Excitement dances in your heart as you stay focused on the empty seat you walk towards. By the time you reach your seat, you don't even remember how you got there. You are estatic. You have finally graduated. 

Flash forward a few weeks, the proof of your education sits on a bookcase in your room but you haven't been able to do anything with it. You've spent the past few weeks spending hours on indeed.com searching for something remotely close to you. You've typed up resumes and looked into part time jobs. Nothing has changed. You are still unemployed, you are living at home, you are in debt. Life's never looked like such a blank slate. You try to open up to the unknown with excitement but lately all it's done is terrify you and leave you with a couple of sleepless nights. 

 As any other time in life, I have learned that it is important to still cling to God, read about Him, read His Word, and allow Him to teach me. In the dark moments where we cannot see ahead, we need a light. He's going to be that light. Unfortunately, it can be easy for us to underestimate God or take Him for granted. Today, I write this to remind you as I am learning myself, that one should never ever take God for granted. When we are crippled by fear or anxiety, He will give us peace. When we cannot see what lies ahead, He will guide us. In Isaiah 41:10 it states, “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand”. 

Notice that in Isaiah, God does not command us to not fear and then leaves us hanging. He says do not fear, for I am with you. He says, do not be dismayed, for I am your God. In a commentary I looked at it said that “do not be dismayed” meant not to look about anxiously at one another. I thought this was interesting because I know that when we are terrified and confused we always look to others rather than look at God. Yet God tells us in Isaiah, to not do so. He calls us to look to Him when we are crippled by fear because He is God. He supports that He is with us in this verse as He states, “I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand”. No matter what fears you face, God will be with you. He will give you strength to face them. People are important but be sure that you go to God first when you feel that you are being crippled by fear.

The future is terrifying and exciting. It holds an endless lists of possibilities. When you have a blank slate at your fingertips it’s easy to be a dreamer and then instantly deflate the second you peer into your bank account and think of your bills from school. I can’t promise that things will work out exactly how you want. I can promise you though that no matter what lies ahead, you are not alone. He has you in His hands. He is working through every little detail of your life, and will reveal things to you as time goes by. So fill the slate with your dreams but give it back to the One who holds your future. Trust that He will take the slate and fill it with what is best. He may leave some things there too. He is with you and He won’t leave you. Open your eyes, (And I’ll do the same) to what your Father wants to show you during this awkward, terrifying, yet exciting time.