"Only Self Can Kill Joy"
As I sat on my bed earlier this morning my Ann Voskamp’s “One Thousand Gifts Devotional” caught my eye. Something in me urged me to read it. I know that sounds really weird but I just felt like I should. I hadn’t picked it much since last year since I had gotten caught up on other reading plans or found other books. Maybe I read into things too much but I think that what I read this morning was not just a coincidence. I picked it up and opened up to where I left off. “Joyous Grace” it read at the top of the page. Well, isn’t this timely. I thought to myself as I began reading.
See lately, I have had a lot on my mind and while the things that have been worried about or discouraged by aren’t exactly life threatening. It was still enough to make me feel anxious and discontent. I found that I was focusing too much on the fact of “yea that does suck, anyone would agree” or “that is a lot, you’re right Amy you never asked for this” Wait, wait hold up. Since when did it matter if I asked for something or not? Am I forgetting who this life is really about? I told myself as I wrestled with these thoughts.
I continued to read it, and there it was a single sentence, Voskamp had placed as a stand-alone sentence and the end of a short paragraph,
"Only self can kill joy."
The words echoed over and over again. Only self can kill joy. How true it was that I had let my desires being unmet or my frustration and discouragement over things get the best of me. I thought back to last week when these things that weighed on me seemed to reach a climax, and sent me into this constant state of ungratefulness. It was like everything good that happened was never enough for me and anything that was somewhat of a disappointment rocked my world more than it needed to. I have a choice in this. I can complain and whine about things or I can be grateful for what I do have and be focused on how God can use me for His glory. How he can use me to point others to Him.
The small paragraph that followed up those 5 eye-opening words was spot on.
“I’m the one doing this to me. The demanding of my own will is the singular force that smothers out joy-nothing else. Dare I ask what I think I deserve? A life with no discomfort, no inconveniences? What do I really deserve?” (Voskamp)
I had quickly let my discontent or frustrations drive me into a focus of self. I have found that when I am too focused on my needs that my eyes are shielded from the needs of those around me. When I start telling God what His will for my life should be I reject His authority over my life. No wonder, I would be filled with anxiety instead of peace.
I am very grateful that God is willing to bring us joy and comfort but also knows when we need some major humbling.
See lately, I have had a lot on my mind and while the things that have been worried about or discouraged by aren’t exactly life threatening. It was still enough to make me feel anxious and discontent. I found that I was focusing too much on the fact of “yea that does suck, anyone would agree” or “that is a lot, you’re right Amy you never asked for this” Wait, wait hold up. Since when did it matter if I asked for something or not? Am I forgetting who this life is really about? I told myself as I wrestled with these thoughts.
I continued to read it, and there it was a single sentence, Voskamp had placed as a stand-alone sentence and the end of a short paragraph,
"Only self can kill joy."
The words echoed over and over again. Only self can kill joy. How true it was that I had let my desires being unmet or my frustration and discouragement over things get the best of me. I thought back to last week when these things that weighed on me seemed to reach a climax, and sent me into this constant state of ungratefulness. It was like everything good that happened was never enough for me and anything that was somewhat of a disappointment rocked my world more than it needed to. I have a choice in this. I can complain and whine about things or I can be grateful for what I do have and be focused on how God can use me for His glory. How he can use me to point others to Him.
The small paragraph that followed up those 5 eye-opening words was spot on.
“I’m the one doing this to me. The demanding of my own will is the singular force that smothers out joy-nothing else. Dare I ask what I think I deserve? A life with no discomfort, no inconveniences? What do I really deserve?” (Voskamp)
I had quickly let my discontent or frustrations drive me into a focus of self. I have found that when I am too focused on my needs that my eyes are shielded from the needs of those around me. When I start telling God what His will for my life should be I reject His authority over my life. No wonder, I would be filled with anxiety instead of peace.
I am very grateful that God is willing to bring us joy and comfort but also knows when we need some major humbling.
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