Tug Of War
I recently just finished reading the book "Radical" by David Platt. I'd highly recommend it. I found it challenging, encouraging and insightful, but I also found it strongly convicting. Most of the time we don't like strong conviction about how we're living our lives with the time we're given. We usually like to keep things watered down and be like, "well, I may not be doing that but how I'm living my life is not as bad as______"
But we all need strong conviction. The thing that I have realized through reading this book is how much I have gotten too comfortable with where I'm at. I figure, well, I come to God, pray, read my Bible, serve others, encourage others-I'm doing "enough" right God?
Doing those things are good and very important but and this is where things get complicated and "tug of war" ish and I feel like I can relate to that verse in Romans 7:15, "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do".
The thing I hate I do is not using my time here as well as I could be with the whole realization of the reality of the lives that are at stake and how important it is that I seek to glorify Him instead of myself. Platt wrote this one statement about looking straight into the eyes of all the people and starving children that were going to end up in Hell. It was a powerful statement that immediately made my heart sink into my stomach.
How often am I surrounded by a crowd of people and I think to myself if anyone knows Jesus?
I looked up from the book and looked around at the many people on the beach. Families, kids, people my age, elderly couples. And upon coming to this beach did I ever ask myself if any of these people knew Jesus and had a relationship with him?
No I didn't. And rarely do I ever-until now. Now it's like everytime I'm in a crowd the thought crosses my mind and yet, I still sit there and stay silent. Keep to myself. Go to the store, get what I want and leave. Sit on the beach, look around but then don't get up and do anything. So why do I keep silent and not share the Gospel with others throughout my daily life?
Well, because it's kind of weird to just walk up to someone on the beach and ask them if they know Jesus. Plus I'm not out with a team evangelizing so it doesn't work or it might be a bad idea.
But then this got me thinking, "Yea but even though I wouldn't be able to stay with them and help them grow-how do I know though if what I could say would impact them at least?" And then who knows what could happen there. And this is where it's become this huge tug of war-it's like you realize these things and know you should be doing more. You realize that you're wasting time being stuck in your own world but you just sit there and come up with excuses for why walking up to complete strangers and asking them if they know Jesus is a "bad idea". Yea but Jesus risked his life for you?Can't you risk someone thinking you're weird for him?
So this is where this leaves me-I can only pray that God would work in my heart and direct me with these things I've been realizing. I can only ask Him to work at my heart to point to Himself instead of myself. Because honestly, the only good thing in my heart is Jesus and as long as I do focus on myself and don't seek Him constantly-I will seek my glory, my gain, stay comfortable and argue that I'm doing "enough". Meanwhile there are tons of people I pass by blindly who are hurting, living life with no hope and lives being lost to Hell. It's harsh but true.
All I can say right now being hit with this realization is that I am beyond grateful that God shows us grace in so many areas of our lives and does work in us to do what He wants and to seek His glory above ours. Conviction can be painful but He knows when we need it.
But we all need strong conviction. The thing that I have realized through reading this book is how much I have gotten too comfortable with where I'm at. I figure, well, I come to God, pray, read my Bible, serve others, encourage others-I'm doing "enough" right God?
Doing those things are good and very important but and this is where things get complicated and "tug of war" ish and I feel like I can relate to that verse in Romans 7:15, "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do".
The thing I hate I do is not using my time here as well as I could be with the whole realization of the reality of the lives that are at stake and how important it is that I seek to glorify Him instead of myself. Platt wrote this one statement about looking straight into the eyes of all the people and starving children that were going to end up in Hell. It was a powerful statement that immediately made my heart sink into my stomach.
How often am I surrounded by a crowd of people and I think to myself if anyone knows Jesus?
I looked up from the book and looked around at the many people on the beach. Families, kids, people my age, elderly couples. And upon coming to this beach did I ever ask myself if any of these people knew Jesus and had a relationship with him?
No I didn't. And rarely do I ever-until now. Now it's like everytime I'm in a crowd the thought crosses my mind and yet, I still sit there and stay silent. Keep to myself. Go to the store, get what I want and leave. Sit on the beach, look around but then don't get up and do anything. So why do I keep silent and not share the Gospel with others throughout my daily life?
Well, because it's kind of weird to just walk up to someone on the beach and ask them if they know Jesus. Plus I'm not out with a team evangelizing so it doesn't work or it might be a bad idea.
But then this got me thinking, "Yea but even though I wouldn't be able to stay with them and help them grow-how do I know though if what I could say would impact them at least?" And then who knows what could happen there. And this is where it's become this huge tug of war-it's like you realize these things and know you should be doing more. You realize that you're wasting time being stuck in your own world but you just sit there and come up with excuses for why walking up to complete strangers and asking them if they know Jesus is a "bad idea". Yea but Jesus risked his life for you?Can't you risk someone thinking you're weird for him?
So this is where this leaves me-I can only pray that God would work in my heart and direct me with these things I've been realizing. I can only ask Him to work at my heart to point to Himself instead of myself. Because honestly, the only good thing in my heart is Jesus and as long as I do focus on myself and don't seek Him constantly-I will seek my glory, my gain, stay comfortable and argue that I'm doing "enough". Meanwhile there are tons of people I pass by blindly who are hurting, living life with no hope and lives being lost to Hell. It's harsh but true.
All I can say right now being hit with this realization is that I am beyond grateful that God shows us grace in so many areas of our lives and does work in us to do what He wants and to seek His glory above ours. Conviction can be painful but He knows when we need it.
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