Giving Up the Pen

Trust. How do we do it? Sometimes it seems impossible to trust God with what's ahead, other times it seems pretty easy and you're just like, "yea, God just go ahead and do whatever you what" but then next thing you know you're all, "wait a minute.....I don't know how I feel about this."


Sometimes I think of trusting God with what's ahead is like standing on this really tall tree holding onto a branch. What’s below the tree? No one really knows. There’s a lot of dust and some rocks, there’s water and some dry land maybe. Maybe there’s some flowers below but I’m not really sure. The branch can be sometimes strong but other times, you can almost feel it giving out underneath your feet. Above you is another branch, this one is thick and sturdy. Your left hand clutches tightly to this branch to maintain balance but in your right hand, you firmly hold onto this dumb pen. Your hand cramps up and you know you should let go of this pen so you can hold onto the branch with both your hands but you let fear hold you back. Would if I end up in the rocks? Would if I don’t land where I want to? Would if I have to do something I don’t want to do? Would if I fall and get hurt? Would if I can’t handle what’s below? The list goes on.


You feel like as long as you hold onto to the pen and still keep one hand on the branch, then you will be okay. As long as you keep this pen, you have some control over what happens. And then there’s this voice, “My daughter, I have you in my hands. Please just trust me. I know you’re scared because of things that have happened in the past, but please trust me that I have you. I had you even then when you began to slip. I still had you even though you fell on the rocks. I am still with you. Keep your eyes fixed on me.”


It’s true. You would think to yourself, even when I held the pen and fell, You were still with me. Even when the tree began to break, the branch I stood on and held onto remained still. So you say, Okay. I don’t have enough faith but help me to, but with the faith I do have, I give this to You. So you begin to loosen your grip on the pen and slowly let it fall. You watch it as it falls down deeper and deeper into the unknown below. Your heart begins to race and doubts begin to fill your head. Questions of “would ifs” race as the pen vanishes out of sight. Baby steps. Keep your eyes fixed on me. So you take a deep breath and slowly raise your right hand to the branch above you. You reach out and take hold of it. Your right hand at first only touches the branch as you steadied yourself. My daughter, I’ve got you. You hear again. So you curl your fingers in, gripping the branch tightly. Okay, baby steps.

I think that's what it can look like for us to trust God, I think it's a matter of baby steps and recognizing that we are struggling to trust Him but then asking Him to help you to trust Him. Remind yourself of whose hands your in. Look back on times when things were rough but then see that He was still there the entire time and even used those things to strengthen you and draw Him closer to you. So, today as you're reading this, you may be having one of those "I can't let go of the pen" moments or feel the need to have control over everything. I'd encourage you to express that to God and let Him know that you are struggling, but you want to give Him control. You'd be suprised the peace that He gives you when you recognize that on your own, you can't trust and you struggle to trust Him. And I still am not there either. It's a difficult thing. It's daily surrendering, daily recognizing how much I need Him and daily baby steps.

So let go and baby steps. He's got you. He won't let you fall.

"When I am afraid,
I will trust in you.
In God's whose word I praise, in God I trust;
I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?"
-Psalm 56:3-4