a season of forgiveness

 

           Much like how the leaves turn from green to vibrant reds, and yellows and browns or the sun shines upon us earlier or sets later, we too like the seasons go through seasons. We go through times in life that feel like summer, spring, fall and winter. We go through seasons in life full of contentment, longing, grief or constant joy. We can even have seasons of life that are intermixed with both happiness and sorrow, stillness and movement. Each season we go through has a purpose in our lives, it can either help us grow or shift our perspective or it can turn us to be bitter, wounded and resentful. What matters is how we approach it. 

Naturally, when I have gone through a difficult season of life, I don’t immediately approach it with an attitude that wants to find growth from the season or find a way my perspective has changed in a way that’s for the better. It is only with Christ that I can take a difficult season of hurt to allow my perspective to change. I want to approach what I am about to share cautiously. I know that people in my life that may read this were a part of this situation that left me wounded and I do not wish to put them down but I do want to be honest about what I have dealt with the past year and how it has changed my perspective. Post-returning from doing full-time ministry in Ireland and then a couple months of ministry in Ibiza, I yearned to get back into ministry. I felt like I was empty without it. I did not know what it looked like to have my time filled with a 9-5 job without running home to make dinner and then heading out to help run a youth group, serve as a youth leader or volunteer with a homeless outreach. I didn’t know what it looked like to not seek to give my time to others outside of my work. 

So I was excited when I found a ministry to volunteer with here in the States. The first 2 years, I really loved it and I felt like I learned a lot through it. However, when I began to voice some of my opinions about things, shared about what I was capable of handling with my availability or didn’t agree with something a leader said, I was met not with a gracious, understanding  or open attitude but instead one that was controlling and stubborn. I was given the message that I was not “good enough” to be a part of this ministry whether one of the leaders intended to give me that message or not, it was one that stuck on me. I felt constantly burned out and frustrated so I left. It was not an easy decision to make but in the end it was one that needed to be made as I was feeling weighed down by my involvement with this particular ministry and trapped trying to fit into a box of a stereotype of what leaders in this ministry were expected to be. It led me to run away from God temporarily, leave a church I loved attending  and spend a season church hopping all the while, shoving the pain it caused me away. 

As I sought God though, I began to allow Him to work in my heart to address the hurt, to process it in a healthy way and to begin the process of forgiveness. See, the thing is, forgiveness with one another is not a said and done thing, it’s just that-a process. It is something that can happen over time as we give the hurt over to God and admit it’s there. It’s not something we can just off-handedly say, all the while allowing the wounds to gnaw at us. I used to think that if I forgave someone that meant what they said or did didn’t matter or didn’t hold any weight. However I have learned that I can still forgive while still acknowledging how wrong or hurtful something was. It is ok to validate what I am feeling and what happened. 

In the Scriptures we will see in Matthew 18:21-22 that after Peter asked Jesus how often he should forgive someone that sins against him, Jesus tells him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.” Now, I’m not a theologian and I definitely could grow in my interpretation of passages but I believe what Jesus is saying here is that we should be offering others forgiveness without putting a limit on it as well as allowing it to be a continual thing. Though it is hard to see when you have been hurt, we are all called to forgive one another as we are all sinners and offenders, none of us is better than the other. The same grace that God has given us in sending us Jesus, we are called to give to others who may hurt us or offend us. 

I don’t know what you have going on in your life but if you find yourself in a season of forgiveness or feel you have been wronged, I’d encourage you to share that hurt with God or a trusted friend. Acknowledge the pain, the hurt and  the confusion it’s caused then ask God (if you believe in Him) to help you forgive the person or people who have offended you. It’s ok to take it one step at a time, what matters is that you take the steps toward healing from hurts and offenses. As always I hope that you have felt encouraged in some way by something I have shared.

Have a great week!

-Amy