I say, Hey, What's Going On?

 This past Sunday, I had some friends come out for a drink to celebrate my birthday at one of the bars in town. Later on, the singer that night began a rendition of “What’s up” by 4 Non Blondes. A few of my friends and myself sang along with the rest of the room making eye contact acknowledging humourously moments where we felt that way and that we felt that about getting older. For those of you who don’t know, the chorus goes:

And I say, hey yeah yeah, hey yeah yeah
I said hey, what's going on?

And I say, hey yeah yeah, hey yeah yeah
I said hey, what's going on?

Oh, oh oh
Oh, oh oh

  I left that night with the chorus in my head but it was something I was more laughing and lamenting about. Two days later, I got news that a garda vetting I had submitted hadn’t come through yet for an organisation  that was running a camp that I had planned to help with after Easter. If my garda vetting didn’t come through in time, then I couldn’t help with the camp. Instantly, the chorus came to mind only I wasn’t laughing about it. I prayed that God would let my vetting invitation get to the organisation but as the days went by, it never did and I didn’t make my deadline. I was gutted. I didn’t understand why God would bring the camp into my path, let me attend a leaders meeting and get time off, only to not be able to go. I was so looking forward to being a small group leader and getting to know the teens and other leaders as well as craving some time up in the mountains and enjoying the simple things, like the flow and energy of a camp week and bonfires. I really love a good camp bonfire. These things that I loved doing in America and had missed. Why did I not get to have them in the week ahead? I thought to myself as I left Maynooth and headed home on the train. 

      Suddenly, it was like the straw that broke the camel’s back as I walked back from the dart home, I felt my heart drop down ino my stomach. See, as my last month in Ireland comes closer and closer. I’ve done a really good job at keeping busy. Not giving myself time to grieve or think about goodbyes. As I think about how settled I have felt this past year but unfortunately, have to leave in June; I can’t help but “say hey, what’s going on?”

     Earlier this evening as I had time to think more about the future, I became overwhelmed with feelings of “what’s going on?” but rather than give into tears, I decided to go for a run. As my feet hit the pavement and My Chemical Romance sang in my ear; I began asking God, “God, what’s going on? How can I get upset lately with people I love in the states when they say that they are counting down to when I come home? That's not good. And who am I to feel that I have a right to walk around feeling a mix of anger and sadness when I do have so much to be thankful for? Shouldn't I be more grateful for what I do have? And who even am I anymore? ( ya know nothing too dramatic there) And how could you love someone who does that? Like what is going on?”

   Then God reminded me that this time many, many, many years ago. Jesus’ apostles/disciples and disciples were probably asking the same thing when they mourned Jesus’ death. “Hey, what’s going on?” Jesus was their mentor, their teacher and their dear friend. And just like that, he was crucified. Can you imagine having someone you care about and someone that had a great impact on your life, being arrested and killed? Even though Jesus had told them what was to happen and they had been with him while he shared multiple parables, they still mourned and 3 days later, when Jesus appeared to them they were in disbelief that he had in fact risen from the dead (Luke 24:19-24). It was not until they were together breaking bread that they recoginised the man before them as Jesus (Luke 24:30-35).

  But the day before he rose, there was confusion, sadness, and anger. Can you relate to that when something falls through for you or you find that God’s timing on something is not the same as your timing? Know that even when you find yourself in a mix of confusion, sadness and even anger (even petty anger), that God is with you in that. When you are feeling those 3 things, He loves you still. Just like Jesus rose again and there was no longer any mourning, sadness and anger; the feelings of sadness and confusion, do come to an end. I can’t say when exactly but I know that I can look back on other times in my life and I have seen that they do.
   I’m still bummed I can't help with the camp and though I am grateful for all my family and friends back in America, I’m still upset that I have to leave in June but I am trying to trust that God still has these things under His control and I am thankful that He is willing to be with us in times of transitions and let downs. I am thankful that He is willing to take my own life circumstances to help me look at this time leading up to Easter with a new perspective than I would have before.
 As always, I hope that by sharing what I've been learning lately can be helpful or encouraging to you in some way.

 Praise God that mourning and confusion don’t last forever! Praise God that Jesus died for all our sins and praise God, that because Jesus rose again, we can have hope and victory!

To close, I would like to leave you with a song that I like about Jesus’ death and resurrection. It really paints a picture of what Jesus went through and his deep love for us.

I wish you and yours, a Happy Easter!

Much Love,

Amy