A Horribly Misplaced Fear:The Fear of Men

“#yesallwomen”

If you’ve been on social media or seen/read the news at some point within the past month you’ve probably stumbled upon this hashtag. The hashtag, “yesallwomen” surfaced after the Santa Barbara shooting. Unfortunately, this hashtag that was intended for good led to tweets that trashed men a lot or led some women to promote that they have a right to wear whatever the heck they want (which I have opinions about but I’m not going to get into that right now...) Now I do not want to trash it. I agree that some women have been hurt by some men and taken advantage of. I agree that we should raise awareness. I agree that we need to teach our men and boys the importance of a respecting the women around them. However, I disagree that we should parade around with signs about how we don't need men or go around bashing them.

It seems that over the years as the feminist movement has grown, society has trained women to fear and/or criticize men. Kids’ shows portray dads as gullible, goofballs who sit around and watch TV all day while the moms are the ones making the money and rolling their eyes when their husband doesn’t understand something or says something stupid. Brothers are shown as cocky athletes with few sensitive bones in their body while sisters are portrayed as insightful and wise. While women should be aware of their surroundings if they are alone and take the necessary precautions, I believe that we should not give men such a negative view. Our culture has started to take pleasure in women rising up in leadership positions, being the leader in relationships, and teaching other women around them that men are nothing but pig-headed, beer-chugging, liars who will only sweet talk you to get something from you. Maybe that is true of some men, but the entire gender, no. Sadly, I would say that the Christian culture seems to have hopped on a somewhat similar bandwagon.

Now women within the Church may not be flat out saying these things, but do any of these statements sound familiar to you: “He led me on” “He isn’t spiritually strong enough for me” “He needs to man up”. While I have heard of stories of men leading women on, men not being leaders in relationships and will agree that there are some men out there who need to “man up”. I would also say that I’ve heard a enough stories of women who have lead men on or manipulated men, women who are not pulling their weight in relationships spiritually and women who could take a step back and let a man be a man.      

Yet, we seem to focus too much on what men are doing wrong so much that we don’t lift up our brothers often.This is not right and I honestly don’t think it’s very biblical either. We are called in Ephesians 4: 2, “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit-just as you were called”. One another includes both men and women. We should be treating one another with an equal amount of respect. So often in our relationships, we are quick to point out our boyfriend’s flaws and tell him things he needs to work on and rarely offer him words of encouragement. If we are not encouraging our brothers, how do we expect them to rise up and be the men that God calls them to be?

Maybe I’m biased because I didn’t grow up with sisters so I don't understand why we so quickly cut men down but I truly believe that our fear is misplaced. Are there some men we need to be wary of? Yes. There are also fellow women that aren’t safe that we should be wary of as well. We cannot call out the whole race of man as something to be feared. If we keep seeing our brothers in this light or seeing them as insignificant or out to hurt us, we are going to have some major problems. How can we expect our brothers to grow if we don’t give them words of encouragement or affirmation? We are so quick to point out the flaws in our men but hardly take the time to take a look at our own heart and motivations. Our own struggles.

We look down on men who struggle with porn. You may be surprised to hear this but women struggle with it too. So why should we be so quick to tear down men for it? Shouldn’t we offer them the same encouragement to recover from the addiction, give them grace and give them opportunity to repent the same way that some women have been given, instead of instantly labeling them as a “pervert” or “freak”. It makes me sad that we have allowed our pride to block us from being able to live in a healthy community with the men around us. Though this is the result of the fact that we live in a fallen world. A fallen world where some men have taken advantage of women and some women have manipulated and disrespected men. I know that this will never be completely fixed on earth. The world is broken, the two will always butt heads. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to love and respect one another. We’ll never know how much things can change if we don’t try. I could keep ranting about this for pages but I’ll close out.

So to the fellow women out there, take a look at your own hearts before being so quick to see the flaws in the men around you. Encourage the young women around you to respect the men around you. None of us is perfect. None of us will ever be perfect on this earth. Cut one another some slack. To the men, do encourage your brothers to respect the women around them and treat them with respect. To both men and women, Lovingly tell your boyfriend or girlfriend or spouse what they can work on if they need to work on something that is dishonoring to God, but also tell them what they are doing right. Commend them for it and applaud them. If you’re not dating, don’t worry about leading someone on, you can cross that bridge when you come to it; don’t overthink it, just say something encouraging to both the women and men around you. Affirm them. Tell them you appreciate them.